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I can only be who I am and, your decrees, pleas, protestations and
threats not withstanding, I cannot choose otherwise, no matter how much you
urge it or how hard I try.
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My aim is to shed light on intimate relationships, on what they are
and how to succeed at them, as well as on the characteristics of and
differences between successful and unsuccessful relating.
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Contents
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Foreword
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1.
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On Feeling
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3
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2.
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On Pain
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9
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3.
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Being Depressed
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12
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4.
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On Primal
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20
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5.
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On Caring
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25
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6.
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Caring Relationships
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29
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7.
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Trust
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33
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8.
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Wanting, Asking, Giving & Taking
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37
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9.
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Attraction, Appetite, Intimacy, Commitment & Empowerment
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43
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10.
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Criticism
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48
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11.
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Little Murders
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53
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12.
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Exploiting & Colluding
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58
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13.
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On Magic
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61
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14.
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Habit, Compulsion & Addiction
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66
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15.
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Stress
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72
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16.
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On Violence
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81
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17.
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Loneliness
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86
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18.
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Balancing
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90
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19.
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Responsibility
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94
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20.
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Saying "No"
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102
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21.
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Conflict, Care & Language
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106
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Contents
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Forward
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1.
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Attraction
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3
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2.
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Meeting
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7
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3.
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Dialoguing
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11
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4.
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Contract
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14
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5.
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Closure
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18
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6.
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Taking and Refusing to Take, Asking For What I Want, and
Giving in Successful Relationships
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22
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7.
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Concealing Ourselves Disturbs Our Relationships
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26
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8.
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Self-Esteem and Relationships
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29
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9.
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Self-Valuing vs. Self-Effacing
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37
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10.
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Really Living vs. Wishful Thinking
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42
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11.
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The Instrumental and
The
Non-Instrumental
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46
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12.
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Inner-Directed, Passionate, and Committed vs.
Other-Directed, Indifferent, and Ambivalent
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49
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13.
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Respecting vs. Attacking
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55
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14.
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Conflict
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61
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15.
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Persevering vs. Being Compelled or Being Irresolute
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66
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16.
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Striving and Struggling
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71
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17.
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Touching
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75
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18.
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Loving
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79
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19.
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Being Intimate
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86
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20.
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Sex and Lusting
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90
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21.
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Sexuality
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97
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22.
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A Relationship Ethic
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102
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